EDITING SAMPLE

BEFORE

“A Beautiful Morning King Agron” Norik said while opening the thick black silk curtains of the King’s majestic round sleeping room, behind these curtains is the most beautiful 300 degree view of the King’s city of Dyrrhachium, and the most beautiful landscapes you could ever imagine, right from the very highest point of the King’s Castle, and a beautiful sun rise was just starting to peak out from the horizon. “It’s Monday my King, a beautiful spring day for riding through your beautiful land! You are the king of all of Illyria, the son of Pleuratus II, and you possess the most powerful force, both by land and by sea, and of any of the kings who had reigned in Illyria before you!” Norik, the King’s friend and senior advisor said proudly to the King, motivating the King to not miss his Monday morning routine ride with his elite soldiers, after seeing that the King is struggling to wake up this morning… Now, King Agron was a very wise Leader, a humble servant, a trustworthy ally, and firm in making decisions, deeply loved by all of Illyria!

AFTER

The Castle of Illyria stood at the highest point in it’s capital of Dyrrhachium, looking out over landscapes so beautiful that anyone who saw them had their breath taken away. Today a spectacular sunrise was just starting to peak out from the horizon.

         Norik, a short but stout man with jet black hair and well trimmed salt and pepper beard, entered the majestic, round sleeping chamber of King Agron.

         “A beautiful morning my King” Norik said while opening the thick silk curtains that kept the room inky black even in mid-day. As he thrust the curtains aside a stunning 360-degree view of the city and surrounding landscapes were revealed.

         “It’s Monday my King, a beautiful spring day for riding through your beautiful land with your elite soldiers!”

         The King pulled the covers over his head to block out the light and groaned.

         “Who was it that suggested taking a ride with my guards on Monday mornings?" ”It            was you my King.” Norik replied.

         “I should have me thrown in the stockade for such an idea.” Norik chuckled. “Yes my Lord.”

         “Alright then, since you have deemed to awaken me ….”  The King rose up threw off his covers and bounded out of bed. He stretched his large, unclothed muscular body, as magnificent as a classic statue. His long curly blonde hair reached his shoulders, framing a handsome, face with piercing green eyes.  At 35, the King was at his peak physical condition and desired by women near and far.  Yet he was troubled by his recent relationships and mystified by dreams.

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